Surviving the Holidays Single

Surviving the Holidays Single

Back when I was single, (as opposed to being a single mother) sometimes getting through the holidays was a hard time. I remember one particular Christmas where I went to my older sister’s house to share the holiday with her and her children. Her then boyfriend decided to pop the question as we exchanged gifts ouch. Now it wasn’t that that made me sad, because I was glad yet somewhat surprised (lol) that someone was willing to take her off the family’s hands. But for me it was a re-evaluation of our relationship.
I’d lived with my sister since I was 17 and during that time she had broken up with her children’s father and I had essentially become the man of the house. I guess it’s the middle child in me, but I have always been a little bit more independent than she is, so it was no surprise that she I always kinda felt that I needed to take care of her in a way. But here comes this man, taking care of my sister and these kids that I had grown to think of as mine. We would always joke that I was her baby daddy. And with One question I had begin to question my place in the family. Another thing about my sister and I is we fight like Cats and Dogs so it wasn’t a surprise when later on that day we had an argument and I stormed out of the house. By the time I went back to my apartment and looked at my little Charlie brown Christmas tree, with one or two gifts under it, and an un-ringing phone I was DEPRESSED.
I was in a relationship that wasn’t particularly going as planned and I was as always re-evaluating my place in the world and I had to make a decision not to concentrate on the things that I don’t have but the things that I do so here is a list of things to do, that I hope will help you guys through out this difficult Holiday season.
Focus on the positive: No matter what is going on in your life, if you woke up this morning you have a chance to fix it, correct it, or make it better. I always try to keep in mind no matter what I am going through there is a woman somewhere around the world who would trade my problems with me in a New York Minute.
Share an attitude of Gratitude: BE GREATFUL. Sit down and write notes, put some stationary to good use. You will be surprised if you don t have any money how much it touches a person’s heart when you share you thoughts and your feelings with them of how they have helped you thorough out the year. In this day of email, and commercialism it is good to get back to basics which is an exchange of feelings. It doesn’t take much to do that and you could possibly brighten up someone’s day who is in the dumps just like you.
Think about the things you can change and not what you can’t: I think we get bogged down with the stuff that we can’t or things we have no control over instead of the things that we can. If you find yourself this holiday season dating a man who doesn’t spend the holidays with you it might be one of several reasons BUT if like the man in my story He is just not that into you.
Don’t Take It Personal: There are a variety of reason’s why a new boyfriend could decide that he doesn’t want to spend the holidays with you (And I give a side eye to most of them lol). But Holidays are a big deal and if the relationship is too new, It might be intimidating for them to sit across your drunk Uncle Charles sharing his off colored jokes, or in my case Aunt Luvie, telling him he is “fine” and telling us about the love between her and her younger man over the turkey. But if you are going into your second Christmas season with this man and you haven’t been invited to meet the family or he yours you might want to get rid of him before the New Year.
Make a Holidate: Around the holidays where you and him are able to steal away some time to enjoy the season. To me it is the perfect alternative, Uhm I love my extended family but they are only going to meet my man at the wedding (sorry Banks’). In any City there are so many romantic sites for you and a date to take a brisk walk and make memories during the holidays.
Give of your time: there are several organizations that will except holiday volunteers to feed the homeless during the holidays and what a great way to feel good about yourself by helping others. The United States Postal Service has a letters to Santa Program; Every year children who suffer hardships through out the year write letters to Santa and rely on the kindness of strangers to fill these children’s wishes as well as to deliver them. Contact your local post office to see if they are participating and how you can get involved. http://www.usps.com/
Birds of a Feather: Plan a holiday event of your own. If you are single and lonely get with some of your other unattached friends and get yourself a get together. Family’s are cool but let’s face it we didn’t get a choice to pick them, so by spending time with some of your friends might just make you feel better.
Play Dress Up: nothing makes me feel better like looking EVEN BETTER. When ever I am not feeling at my best I like to make a change, in my look. Nothing too drastic, I could be something as small as changing up a lipstick or picking up a new eye shadow shade, but for me it is always my hair. When I am feeling particularly blue I might splurge a little on a trip to the salon and try something subtly new. I say subtle because I don’t suggest you cutting all your hair off just because you got the blues, unless it was something you were planning on doing anyway.

Freak Or Perv

The Difference between a Freak and a pervert

Freak Or Prev

Ok so I was hanging out with my friend who is re-entering the dating scene after being in a relationship for several years, when she told me that she had to wrap our lil shopping session up early because she had a date.   Now she is a friend who I speak to on a daily basis, but I didn’t remember her telling me anything about a new guy.  So I asked her with whom.  She then went on to tell me that she had met a guy a few days earlier.   She went on to show me her cell phone, in it was a text message that said something.. like, got a diamond face and I said aww well it’s a little corny but a compliment is a compliment and she said no I don’t think that’s what he meant. Then she shows me that the message was one of two which accompanied a second text message which included his picture. So I said wait a minute he is saying that he has a diamond face   Uhm okay a little weird but shoot, if I don’t love me who else is gonna right  Maybe he feels the same way.
So as the night went on and the sales got good to us she decided to scrap the date.  Well as the saying goes gone but definitely not forgotten. When she and I had gotten up the next evening she told me that he was texting her all sorts of nasty stuff through out the night.  So now I likey me some text message action.  So I said what is wrong with that   She said well it made me feel a little uncomfortable.
Now, I know my girl isn’t a virgin.  So it made me curios, as to what ole freak nasty did to make her uncomfortable. But she said he started to text her from 2:00am in the morning, saying that he had a dream about her, so I laughed and said yeeaahhh. Cause that’s how all my good late night conversations start.  So I asked her what is wrong with that  But then she said, he sent me a few text messages that made me feel uncomfortable.  Now my friend aint no virgin, So I was curious what ole nasty freak nasty said to make her uncomfortable.
So of course I asked her what he said, now I am gonna try to clean this up for you guys because I am a God Fearing woman, but when I had read those text messages (for my journalistic integrity, I couldn’t just take her word for it, you know), there were some messages there that said and I am paraphrasing  stuff like he wanted to stick some body parts in various, openings and asking her if she wanted to drink some uhm, bodily fluids. And these are the high lights, so although I thought these text messages were definitely forward.  I was a little taken a back at this man’s bluntness with a woman that he didn’t know.  So I asked him what did she do to provoke it and she said nothing. Uhm okay, and from the text messages that I saw her respond she didn’t shut him down completely as I would have but she wasn’t giving him the green light to continue his sexy comments.
But wait there was more, so apparently he told her that he was very  hot  for her and couldn’t wait to see her so they could do all of the things that he texted her.  These messages made me uncomfortable reading them, but they were still just on freak status.
So still I was little turned off but I wasn’t actually disgusted, until she followed up with the pictures.  What is with the unsolicited penis texts?   Once again there was a penis in the phone, (and once again I had to look for my journalistic integrity don’t judge me) weird but still freak status.  So at this point I wasn’t alarmed.
So then she showed me the videos yes I said VIDEOS, as in 3 of them in which he was masturbating, until he climaxed.  AND NOW HE’S A PERVERT  so as I watched these videos..aww hell I was curious, but as I watched them I wondered what would make a regular dude do this? Unless he wasn’t regular.  Like I have seen some strange stuff in my day but this was just too weird even for my freak flag.  And all jokes aside, there are sexual deviants, rapists, and serial killers.  Women have to watch out for red flags and mine are going off all over this dude.
So I ask you what is the difference between a regular old freak or a pervert?
But then he crossed the line.

Millionaire MatchMaker Chapter Two “The Make Over”

“Become Your Own Matchmaker” By Patti Stanger Chapter Two Review

Millionaire Match Maker Patti Stanger
Millionaire Match Maker Patti Stanger

Most of you Guys Know our First Book Club selection Author, Patti Stanger from Her Wildly successful Show on the Bravo Network, The Millionaire Match Maker But her book, “Become Your Own Matchmaker” was chosen (By singer Chrisette Michelle) as one of our first books for our “Book Club.”
Now the book boast “8 Easy Steps for Attracting your perfect Mate” and closing the deal, and getting the ring. In the introduction she talks all about her relationship Woahs and a string of heartbreaks, Which was the inspiration for her writing this book. What I love about the book (besides everything) is that is dedicated to me…kinda.
Become your Own Matchmaker
“I dedicate this book to every single woman everywhere. If you take one thing away from my book. Know this: If you want him He’s out there.”
Although in the first chapter Dating Detox Patti Stanger wants you to feel all touchy feely in this chapter isn’t so nice…but the results will be… if you follow her advice. In this Chapter “Mirror Mirror” Here is where she breaks it down, Although it does matter what’s on the inside..if a man doesn’t like your outside he isn’t going to even try to go past that.
So here are her recommendations:
Hair: Stanger says that men like hair, and a lot of it, the straighter the better. Not every one can pull off Halle Berry’s short cut. And She suggests that if you Can’t grow the hair sew the hair. Now, I do know from my personal experience with African American Men, they rather see that you can grow hair, so some like weaves, and extensions but most like natural hair as long as it’s done. But of course, long and natural hair is their favorite. So to each his own, but I don’t think white men are as caught up with that sort of thing, or if they care if their lady has extensions or not.
Teeth: Get yours straightened lightened and fixed. And once again this is Miss Stanger’s take on things, but for sure I know from personal experience that I have a thing about men having all of their teeth and good oral hygiene is always away to make sure that you keep the teeth you have. Many men say that they enjoy a woman with a great smile, as we do men, and if your teeth are all discolored and spacey, that is never a good thing.
Make up: “Less is More” most men like to know that they aren’t going to go to bed with one woman and wake up with a completely different one. She suggests that you have at least a little lipstick, blush, eyeliner, and mascara. And don’t cake on the foundation. If you aren’t good with make up go to the local Sephora, Mac Cosmetics Store or Department store, and have the make up artists help to find a look that works for you. Stanger suggests that you “,Avoid the women who look like clowns or, the gay men, wearing make up. Never let a gay man tell you how to be a better woman-He’ll never understand exactly what it is like to be an attractive female.”
Skin-Care: “The Real secret to great looking make up is great looking skin.” See your Dermatologist to find a regimen that works for you. Make up is nice but there is no substitute for fabulous skin when you are bare faced. She also gives examples of treatments she likes and what works for her but here is a list of some things that you can do at home to make sure that you have great skin. As well as a facial treatment you can do at home. But there is no substitution for a professional diagnosing your skin and letting you know what will work for your.
Body: Body Karate as my Friend Terrance says… The good news is that everyone wants to look better than they do, but the most important thing is to feel good in the skin you’re in. She suggests that you, join, a gym, find a nutritionist to find better eating habits, and find a workout that is for you. It is important that you find a regiment that you feel good about so that you will continue on with it. She even tells you how you can get the PERFECT FIGURE…and what you don’t have FAKE IT.
Shape Wear: “Your New Best Friend.” Hell even Jessica Alba and Beyonce’s bodies aren’t as perfect, as they try to make us feel like they are. But it looks so because of shape wear. It pulls your gut in it rounds your buttocks and pulls it up..it is just a great thing…But more over high heels can also give your backside a little bit of a jolt..you ever wonder why they call them pumps? That’s because it inflates your backside and makes someone wanna…well you get my drift. Today’s shape wear not only hid that gut but it also helps you create a whole new body
But don’t take my word for it the pictures don’t lie…
Beyonce Flat Booty
Beyonce Flat booty
Shop til you Pop: During Dating Detox Stanger suggested that you clean out your closet and here is where you get to buy some new wears..Concentrate on things that you would feel comfortable wearing out on a date, or outfits that make you look and feel sexy. A nice little black dress for the obvious reasons. Besides, it’s sliming affect a little black dress can be accessorized to be dressed up or down. If you are not quiet sure what makes you look sexy here is where your “platonic” STRAIGHT friend, it’s obvious that as a man, he would want to know what he would be attracted to.
Get a sexy make over: and if you aren’t quite sure that you are yet sexy in what you have going on. Patti has a whole list of about 20 fixes to help get you there and fast. So I am going to list some of my fave five, that always work for me.
· Get your hair done: I don’t know about feeling sexy but nothing picks up my spirit like a new cut and a style to me I only feel as good as I look.  So looking great always puts me in a great mood.
· Have a Long Relaxing Massage: This is self explanatory, when you have a man rubbing all the stress of your day away, how can you not feel good, even if it isn’t your man, or a man at all.
· Wear lacy Bra and Panties: I swear I always know what my intentions for the day is when I put my sexy underwear on first thing.  I remember that I have them on all day and I act accordingly.
· Wear a dress or skirt with no Panties at all: No Explanation needed is there.

· Buy a pair of Sexy Stilettos and practice your strut: This makes me feel good, plus it helps me break my shoes in before I take them out for a stroll. once you begin to believe that. It’s half the battle so let’s get to work. In the first chapter “Dating Detox,” she gives steps to getting over a past love and moving on to who should be the true love of your life YOU.

Now in the Next Chapter, Ms Stanger gets down to the Nitty Gritty, and since you look good and you feel better.   She tells you where the men are, so you can go out there and find him.

And Even If you don’t buy the book you can still catch Patti Stanger’s pearls of wisdom, direct approach and no non-sense attitude to finding her clients the right mates, every Tuesday at 10/9 central on Bravo.  And Shout out to Super Star Singer Chrisette Michelle not only is she a class act, and a great singer, but she has great tastes in books. watch full interview with her here.

Patfields SwimSational Disco

Pat Fields
Pat Fields at her Swimsational Sex & the City Disco Soiree
Famed Sex and the City Franchise Costume Designer Patricia Fields not only knows how to put together looks to die for the Now Iconic fashion Four-some But the Bitch can sure put together one hell of a bash to celebrate her good works.  To Celebrate a job well down Pat Fields throw the costume designers A Swimsational Disco Soirée.
The Party was held at the breath-takingly beautiful 230 Fifth Roof Top with the Empire State Building and the New York City Skyline as the back drop for the most Eclectic and Fashionable Group of folks I’ve seen in a really long time.  The Styling of the space took Urban Jungle to a whole nother level, with Life Sized Tigers and Zebras, and Mannequins draped in Sequin bathing suits as well as the beautiful Be-jeweled Bathing suit worn By Ms Samantha Jones Herself in Sex and the City 2.  What a way to usher in the Hot hot summer than with some a viewing of Bathing Suits that made you wished you laid off the Twinkies and worked all the way out because these fashions were as impressive as the other goings ons of the evening.

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And The Only thing more interesting than the Scene was the people being seen…With Las Vegas Head dresses, Club Kids, Bearded “ladies” and cock pieces there was a whole lot going on.

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It was like If Studio 54 and The Limelight got to gether for a night of drunken Sex on Ecstacy they would have given birth to this party and with the free flowing Open Bar and the Women walking around in Corsets, gather belts and panties didn’t excite you. Trust Mother the gayness of the mood (and i mean the actual meaning of the word) would have surely gotten you into the spirit.  By the end of the night i was ready to let my freak flag fly….and that’s when it was time to get the hell out of Dodge.  but don’t take my word for it view all of the night’s  view Gallery http://www.thesinglegirlsguidetomen.com/patricia-fields-party