Emotional Spring Cleaning

I spent the past few days cleaning out my closets.  Not an easy undertaking since I have a lot of closet space at my house. It was funny because the outward appearance of my place looked clean. And if you came to my house you would have asked why bother.

When I opened my closet in my living room, I first thought to myself do you really want to do this? Knowing that I would surely dirty up the house more if I started to clean, and as I looked through the stuff I had acquired, I kept thinking to myself surely there isn’t that much for me to discard.  By the time I had finished I had realized that I had filled 2 trash bags worth of refuse.

Alone, a piece of paper here, something that I didn’t use there didn’t seem to amount to much.  But when I compiled It all together I realized that I had been harboring the most petty and useless piece of crap.  And mostly for emotional reasons.  There were a few things that for whatever reason, a time period, or an event I had held on to, I came across things like movie tickets and hotel keys things that seemed to take me back to the moments in which I acquired them.

I then had a thought of the show hoarders, and How I’d see people on that show holding on to inanimate objects that they’ve projected feelings of people places and things in their lives that they lost.  I remember watching the show and thinking how could a person place such important on such insignificant things and hold  on to it to the point that they crippled their lives, and effected their environment and the environment of those around them.

It made me think of how we as people hold onto emotional baggage and how every now and then we need to clean our emotional closets of the refuse that we’ve been holding on to for people in our lives.  Or even still for those who are no longer in my life.

I recently had to confront that.  I saw an old friend of the family.  For years I had assumed that he did something to a close family member.  Although I had no proof, I harbored a real true resentment for this man.  And without any provocation I have been treating him rather harshly.

Even seeing him after at least 7 years, it brought all of the old emotions that I’d held for him and his supposed wrong doing.   But by the end of our brief encounter I felt myself letting go of the old hurt and anger that I’d felt. Because It hurt me more than it hurt him.  Honestly I don’t even know if he ever knew that I’d had any ill will against him at all.

But I’m sure that there have some things in your life, small insignificant things that you can get rid of in your emotional closet that will lighten you up to accept newer, more desired treasures that you will want to keep always.

Let some of the junk Go.

Hump Day-Dirty Prince Harry

Ok I have to admit it although every one is talking about the royal wedding. And I am all for the man Wills making that big leap after 8 long years of dating his bride to be…uhm I have to admit I kinda think Prince Harry is the better looking of the two.

He listens to Snoop Dogg, hangs with Diddy and Kanye, he parties hard as a Mother, he has no real responsibilities since he’s like eighth in line to be king at this point.  He has his mother’s dashing good look and thank fully not his father’s hair line, sorry Wills.

So for those of you who are still looking for your Prince. Uhm well Harry is Free.

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Wearing Designer Fakes Really is a Crime

The price of fashion or shall I say counterfeit fashion in the streets of NYC has just gotten higher.   According to a new proposal by the New York City Council. It seems that if a person is caught in the City’s Famed China town district buying counterfeit hand bags they may be locked up and thrown in the pokey.

Although I am opposed to this Law I do propose that He be Arrested

Now come on, bad enough you have to resort to buying your goods on the streets is it should this really be a punishable offense?  I mean in this here recession, when people are not only trying to save a buck and earn a living do you think this is an effective use of my tax dollars.

If you want to start arresting people I think you should arrest Louis Vuitton for making hand bags that cost thousands that I can’t at first site tell apart from the  $20 joints that they have down on Canal Street.

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@SamFineBeauty Twitterversity…

Make Up Artist Sam Fine working on Beautiful Iman

If you’re like me you have been a fan of make up artist Sam Fine forever.  He is one of the most influential make up artists among Hollywood’s hottest stars.

Sam did the Face for Queen Latifah's latest Queen Cover Girl Commercial

Well a few days ago, the ex and the boy and I were leaving Brunch and I bumped into who? Mr Sam Fine himself… So after I told him how much I loved him and that I follow him on twitter. @samfinebeauty  He gave me the best hug, and I bid him a great Sunday.  My son later said I ditched them, but hell I can see him at home (just kidding slightly)….

Like my momma says “Give Me my Flowers while I can smell them…” as opposed to saying nice things after she’s gone, and shoot I wanted the man to know that I admired his work..To his face.

As a make up artist and licensed hair stylist of more decades than I care to repeat, the education that I am getting from following him on twitter is GOLDEN…and here are the  some of the Tips I’ve gotten from his timeline.

  1. He prefers Cream Foundation.
  2. It doesn’t take the most expensive products to get a flawless face, just some know how, good products that work, and practicing what works and trying new things when it doesn’t.
  3. I’ve also learned to pair Bronzer with blush, they go hand and hand.
  4. Use the right brushes for the right product.
  5. Smokey Eyes help to hide or diminish the look of puffy eyes.
  6. He’s not above getting Wet and Wild, specifically he likes their; High Pigment lipsticks, and bronzers.
  7. For Flawless Finishes on women of Color you need not look further than your drug store, you can get either the Cover Girl Queen Collection Compact, Black Opal’s Creme Stick or try Iman’s cream to powder foundation.
  8. For concealers, you might have to invest more and get Dermablend, Bobby Brown, or Laua Mercier.
  9. For a Dewy fresh look apply concealer, but couple it with a blush, for a nice Contrast.
  10. Favorite Bronzers are Cargo, Queen Collection, Wet and Wild, MAC, and Lorac.
    To soften Expression Lines around the mouth, try Prevage’s eye cream.
  11. Mascara for Long luscious lashes, Voluminous Waterproof as it builds fast.Synthetic brushes are easier to maintain.
  12. Wash your brushes in Dawn dish washing liquid. It  helps to break up the grease.
  13. Top seven products every woman should have in her make up bag, moisturizer, concealer, foundation, powder, bronzer, mascara, and lip stick/gloss.
  14. In order to make your lipstick last apply concealer and blot, apply lip liner, richly pigmented lipstick and then gloss.
  15. Sam suggests Laura Mercier’s  Oil Free Primer for Oily Skin.

As I went through his many tweets that I have since put into my make- up repertoire.  As a make up junkie though it is good to know that the average girl can go to her local drug store and put together a look and not feel like she is less than or moreover be a slave to more expensive products trying to get a “celeb” look.

sam fine tweet
Sam fine twit pic of application of cream foundation

As a woman of color you have got to give kudos to the man who has made beauty his life. I don’t know about you, but when I feel beautiful it permeates to every other aspect of my being.  And even if you can’t afford to hire Mr Fine yourself. Or spring for his wonderful dvd .

You can at the very least follow him on twitter and absorb it…because trust me it is an education.

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I Shall Rise Again

When I was in my teens and twenties I was so full of life and promise. I had many hopes and dreams with the determination to see them through. I’ve always had a very privileged life for which I am grateful for.

My parents were not rich but were hard workers. They made sure I had everything I needed and even what I wanted.

The world I lived in consisted of very little pain-that is until my first relationship. It was then that I learned what real pain and suffering was all about. I was just about to hit my thirties when we broke up.

As the years went by I began to see why people become jaded, cynical, sad and depressed. You slowly begin to loose faith in people and trust is no longer taken lightly.

Even though for a period of time I lived in a bubble devoid of all these horrid realizations I can now see why loved its safety. Let’s face it as wonderful as life can be it can also be just as unbearable.

There are so many questions that are left unanswered. We have ministers who preach their “Truth” and we have scientists who explain their “Theories” yet there are still question marks. One question leads to another and so on and so forth.

One of the biggest issues that I have in my life right now (I know Im not alone) is financial. Money was tight before the economy collapsed but after the fall my pockets to an even bigger turn for the worse.

The beauty business has been really good to me until these past few years. It is amazing how life can take such a rapid turn for the better or worse. Life is like a marriage that we are forced into without our consent.

What I love about myself is that not matter how many blows life sends me to try and knock me down I keep plowing forward. There is this feeling in my soul that keeps telling me I shall rise again. Although I’m at my lowest financially I am at my highest physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I am a motivator, I am a teacher, I have an eye for fashion, I’m a listener, I am a jazzercise instructor, I’m a professional hairstylist, I am a friend, Im a lover, I nuture like a mother, I discipline like a father, I am your sister and your brother. I have my doubts and fears but these are ingrediants including in the mixture of life. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Living in a world that seems to continually take a turn for the worst I feel that the many gifts and talents I have to offer are going to be very valuable one day. I find it comforting to know  that all of my trials continue to make me stronger and I know for sure that I shall rise again like the Phoenix from its ashes.

She Popped the Question

The talk of the urban town is all abuzz with the topic of women proposing marriage, after a recent episode of VH1’s “Love & Hip-Hop” where Chrissy Lampkin, long-term girlfriend of rapper Jim Jones proposed to him.

I don’t watch much television that isn’t about fashion or cooking.. or drag queens, but this broadcasting of the rapper’s girlfriend’s asking to put a ring on him obviously led to interesting conversations with mixed-gender friends during our facebook Humpday Happy Hour  — here are the findings…

Both genders seem to be distinctly divided into three different groups of opinion.  But, naturally women and men are intrinsically different, so their rationales and
perspectives varied greatly.  Of note-worthy views where both men and women were in agreement, is the noted respect for the idea of “tradition” in marriage proposals.

The ladies points of discussion ranged from complete disapproval of the trend, to circumstantial situations of acceptability, to full support.  Some of the women argued that a woman’s proposal is a sign of desperation, while others pointed out that equality amongst genders is important in all aspects of life; including intimate relationships.  Some simply warned: “only do it if you know he’ll say yes” … and … “don’t do it in front of an audience.”

To generalize, my girlfriends still seem to prefer a traditional proposal, but acknowledge certain rights & reasons of women to initiate engagements, although none of them would actually propose to a man themselves.

The men were quite vocal on this topic, stating that they would either: 1.  feel completely emasculated by a woman’s audacity and say no,  2.  say yes (if he truly loved her), but might possibly feel undercut by a woman stealing their glory, or  3.  welcome a woman’s proposal simply to enjoy the thrill of such an extreme declaration of love and commitment.

The men advise that much consideration should be given to whether or not a potential fiance is even aware of your intentions/ desire to marry, and they stressed the importance of gauging their maturity & readiness to be asked.

The male ego is a delicate entity.  Proceed with caution.

I believe that the question popping should be left to whomever will assume the dominant, responsible, decision-making provider role for the continuing duration of the relationship.
Ladies, face it: if we take the proud moment of gathering the gumption to initiate a lifelong commitment from our men – what other traditionally “male” roles will they be willing to abandon, under the assumption that we’ll just take care of it?

I’ll tell you this: I am not mowing any grass.

Finding your center

Finding your Emotional Center to Find Peace

When you find yourself all the way to the right or all the way to your left you will always end up being stressed out. It is not until you find your center that you will be in your power and have peace.

A therapist told me once that we go from one extreme to the other before we come back to the middle. That rang so true for me and it continues to happen at random moments in my life.

I’m finding that the more I understand how these cycles work my stress levels are lower because I know that some valuable lessons are being learned and in the end I will come back to my center and be even stronger.

Recently I discovered that for years I have been putting on a false sense of confidence. The reason for this is because I have always felt like a target for being made fun of because I’m a feminine man.

I deliberately remember telling myself to hold my head up high and to never let anyone think that what they said about me hurt me. Fortunately I had a very critical family and I already had somewhat of a tough skin.

I remember a friend telling me in high school that she loved the fact that I was always smiling and I told her that most times I was smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. It was so difficult struggling inwardly with my sexuality.

I know it’s cliché but you really can’t judge a book by its cover.  That false sense of confidence was shattered years ago by a traumatic event in my life and it is when I discovered all of my frailties.

For years I have been working to put back all the pieces of my life and continuing to discover who I am and who I’m not. Although I still have insecurities my confidence today is real.

Learning to love yourself with all of your imperfections is a very difficult thing to do.

I did an exercise recently and wrote down everything I like about myself and everything I don’t like about myself. My don’t like list was a bit bigger than I hoped it would be however seeing it written will help me accept or make more adjustments to myself.

All of our insecurities and frustrations lie within ourselves and if we don’t figure out what they are we will continue to project our issues upon others.

It’s not easy to take responsibility for our own actions and I’m not going to lie it hurts. It’s much simpler to blame everyone else for the chaos in our lives.

If you’re asking yourself today why do you keep having the same issues happen over and over again the right question you must ask is what am I doing to keep getting myself in this same place?

Reprograming ourselves is not an easy task and you can choose not to but your life will be like a hamster running in the wheel moving but never going anywhere. Which option will you choose?